Losing a Pet

I decided to write about the loss of a pet in the memory of my dog of 15 years, Misty. My family bought Misty, a black poodle, when I was in 4th grade. She was supposed to be a toy, but she grew to a size in between a toy and a miniature. Misty had the biggest personality. She would help me chase and capture ground squirrels, she'd dig with me, she'd swim beside me even though she didn't care for the water, and she'd cuddle next to me every night. Misty was special. She had been with my family through thick and thin. This amazing little dog had to be put to sleep in September...she was becoming so old and senile that her quality of life had diminished. She could hardly see or hear, she could no longer control her bladder, and she no longer cared for the things she used to. The decision to put her down was hard since her body (with the exception of her eyes, ears, and bladder) was in such great condition. Misty could still run around and play like a puppy when she wanted, though it seemed those days were few and far between. She is now buried beneath her favorite shady tree in my mom's yard, with her blanket and a few favorite toys.

I never thought that losing a pet would be as difficult for me as it actually was. Going home to my mom's house was hard...I kept expecting to see her greet me with her happy smile. I'd roll over in bed and instinctively reach to pet her. I finally had to accept the fact that she was gone. My family and I cried for days over the loss of our wonderful pet, and it helped to realize I was not alone. While many people don't understand the connection and love people can feel for their pets, there are just as many people out there who love and grieve over their pets like I did. I learned there are hotlines, support groups, and internet sites which help people cope with the loss of their pets. When you lose a pet that was a member of your family for so many years, you tend to grieve over their death like you would with a human. There are even websites that allow people to say prayers, talk with others, and join in a candle lit vigil. Although this may seem funny and extreme to some people, others find it helpful and even necessary when dealing with the loss of their furry friends.

Euthanasia is especially difficult. Many pet owners feel guilty, as if they should have tried harder, or done more to keep their pet alive. However, you must question your pet's quality of life. Are you wanting to keep your pet around longer for your sake, or for his/hers? Your pet always tried to do the best for you and help you when you felt bad...return the favor and do what is best for your friend. Even though it is so extremely difficult, sometimes the decision has to be made. Make it with your pet in mind.

When grieving for a pet or a human, we must understand the stages of grief so we can heal.

THE STAGES OF GRIEF (courtesy of Grieving)

In truth, the process of grief is not a cut and dried process that can be subdivided into strict categories. Rather, the grief process is a continuum, with each person experiencing it in a different way. Dividing the grief process in to "stages" helps the grief stricken person to understand that their experiences and emotions are normal. Some people will quickly progress through all the phases, while others appear to get "stuck" in a particular phase. Briefly, the stages of grief are as follows:

1. SHOCK AND DENIAL
The reality of death has not yet been accepted by the bereaved. He or she feels stunned and bewildered-as if everything is "unreal."

2.ANGER
The grief stricken person often lashes out at family, friends, themselves, God, the Veterinarian or the world in general. Bereaved people will also experience feelings of guilt or fear during this stage.

3. BARGAINING
In this stage, the bereaved asks for a deal or reward from either God, the Veterinarian or the Clergy. Comments like "I'll go to Church every day, if only my pet will come back to me" are common.

4. DEPRESSION
Depression occurs as a reaction to the changed way of life created by the loss. The bereaved person feels intensely sad, hopeless, drained and helpless. The pet is missed and thought about constantly.

5. ACCEPTANCE
Acceptance comes when the changes brought upon the person by the loss are stabilized into a new lifestyle.
The depth and intensity of the mourning process depends on many factors. The age of the owner, circumstances surrounding the death, relationship of the animal to the owner and to other family members, are all significant. Recently experiencing the death of a significant person in the owner's life can also affect how the pet's death is handled. Usually, children recover more quickly, while the elderly take the longest. Sometimes, the death of a pet will finally enable the bereaved to mourn the loss of a person, whose death had not yet been accepted.

Coping with the death of a pet can be a difficult and painful experience. I urge anyone who may be going through these times to seek help...whether it be articles on the internet, a friend, or a counselor. Donate to a shelter in the memory of your pet. Have a small funeral service for your pet. Buy a memorial stone to place over the pet's grave. Learn about grieving, and then begin the healing process. I know it can be a painful and hard road, but eventually the pain will heal and all that will be left are the sweet memories you and your friend shared.

Read the poem of the Rainbow Bridge here.

A poem dedicated to those who must choose euthanasia:

If it Should Be

Before I grow too frail and weak,

And all that’s left is peace in sleep,

I know you’ll do what must be done,

To end this fight that can’t be won.

I don’t fear death as humans do,

So let me try to comfort you.

Come: let us take a quiet stroll,

And share some quietness soul to soul.

No need for words between you and I,

No need to say a last goodbye.

We’ve grown so close in mind and heart,

It seems so cruel that we must part.

Be sure I sense the pain you’ll feel,

Without me walking at your heel.

The days will feel full of despair,

Your puppy simply won’t be there.

In time the pain will slowly wane,

You’ll think of me and smile again.

You’ll speak with love and pride of me,

Your extra-special puppy.

Now take me where my needs they’ll tend,

And stay there with me till the end.

Hold me close with soft good-byes,

Until life’s bright light has left my eyes.

The final sound I need to hear,

Is your soft voice upon my ear.

Your loving face will fade and dim,

As the rush of Heaven closes in.

-Author unknown